Nick Lachey "What's Left Of Me" Watch my life, Pass me by, In the rear view mirror Pictures frozen in time Are becoming clearer I don't wanna waste another day Stuck in the shadow of my mistakes
Yeah...
[Chorus] Cause I want you, And I feel you, Crawling underneath my skin Like a hunger, Like a burning, To find a place I've never been Now I'm broken, And I'm faded, I'm half the man I thought I would be: But you can have what's left of me
I've been dying inside, Little by little, No where to go, But going out of my mind In endless circles, Running from my self until, You gave me a reason for standing still
[Chorus]
It's falling faster, Barely breathing, Give me something, To believe in Tell me: It's not all in my head
Take what's left Of this man Make me whole Once again
[Chorus]
I've been dying inside you see I'm going out of my mind Out of my mind I'm just running in circles all the time Will you take what's left Will you take what's left Will you take what's left of me? Just running in circles in my mind Will you take what's left Will you take what's left Will you take what's left of me?
Yar... this song just says everything now... can't think of anything that i don't want to think about but her... can't think properly... can't be who i am anymore...
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if there was a God out there... maybe hes just not listenting... maybe he's just a little too much things to do already... maybe he's just not willing to listen... haha... maybe he's just can't be bothered to think about what the other people want to think... maybe he doesn't care about the person whom he allowed to continue to push back to earth despite the many and numerous time he tried to let go of his flame of life...
Maybe there isn't a reason why he wants to do it... maybe... he just really doesn't care anymore... all i can tell the people who velieve that he's watching... think carefully... maybe he just helps those who he favours over... maybe... just so maybe... he's playing with those who are still alive now and only thinks of making better and newer people to populate this earth of his... just so how i know this... i really don't wanna know... neither do i want to say how... just know of this that it's really hardly any effort to needed to think this way...
God is just as cruel as the Devil... but hell it makes him look alot better in the case of the higher beings and all... aw well... guess i can't complain about that... i should really turn myself in for the count that tallies to heaven's gate... but hell... i really just want her only... which is nearly as impossible as reaching for the sky by jumping...
If there was a God... he'ld really relieve me of being here... he'ld really just toss me into somewhere where my soul can rest... not push me back... i don't need to be in a world where it's just pain everywhere... She doesn't care anymore anyways... she doens't love anymore... what she said to me just doesn't really cut it.... to take care of myself huh? i guess that's near to impossible... don't think i should update my LJ anymore than i should... don't think i should update anything... lest it brings about her to worry about me again... just completely dissappear from her life i guess... if that's what she wants...
Vera said that she's jsut very confused and don't know what to do with me now... so i guess i'll just stay back till she does bah... till she really knows what she's doing... till she does think about what she has done... regret maybe... who knows... maybe even happiness to have me gone out of her life... i don't know anymore... can i just say that i don't exist anymore in her life... i guess so bah... i guess so bah...
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my wrist is gone, gonne have to either see the doc and get something to be done about it, the sensei to twist it back in place, i twist it back in place, or worst come to worst, back it up with bandages and hope it heals naturally... haha... ankle's taken a beating at well from the running... don't know if i'll ever be so lucky again as she always say...
can't say much, but at least i got some place of my own now... a place to type out my feelings, no one to see, yet, kept public... haha... i don't know now... just in the shop feeling kinda dizzy now and then... feel... kinda gonna faint and kinda gonna puke... yar... most prolly caught a fever already... my head's feeling rather hot... maybe i should just sleep awhile... you know... close my eyes for a while... just try not to sleep... or maybe i should go find a place to sleep for awhile... i'm sure that 10 minutes won't matter right?...
haha... yar... it wouldn't...
kinda... wanna rest awhile... i hope nat doesn't mind me sleeping for a while... a very long while... yar... no one would mind.... i don't think anyone would mind me letting go of life already... i don't think that i would do much help in this society now... not in my circle of friends... don't think so...
i guess tonight i'll just rest... maybe rest for a very long while... yar...
to yuki, thanks for trying to cheer me up...
to kaasan, thanks for all the stupidity you try to scold me...
to rika, hope you win on sat...
to jon, drink less... love more...
to christina, happy birthday...
to kuroichou, you are a great family...
to all my msn friends, you guys never seem to make me smile...
to melvin, sorry i can't teach you the POS system...
to mark, tim, subash, ruixin, rach and etc etc, thanks for being there all the time...
to nat... thanks for your love... if tonight i'm gone, i would've broken my promise of not living pass christmas... sorry... i hope that i can love you again next lifetime... and have our little ikos... haha... i wish i can live again... for you...
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running away
i suppose i should leave this house and head off to somewhere where no one should hurt me again... it hurts... it really hurts... i can't go anywhere... i can't go and find Nat... i can't come to this home anymore... just going to pack a couple of things and head out... i don't want to be hurt physically anymore... i don't want to hurt emotionally anymore... i should just go find a place to sit down and rest... this place is no longer a home for me... this place.. is no longer welcoming as it is... i'm going off...
going... somewhere... i don't know where... anywhere but here...
i'm running away from home... don't know when i'll be back... just... take it i'm gone..
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sometimes...
sometimes... looking back at your old blog... you find things that fill your mind with things that you never really understand happened just a while ago... or even yesterday... then it comes to you in a flick of a finger... then you hear a voice that resembles yourself... telling you...
"you are just living a dream"
I don't know... love is cruel... love just hurts... love... i don't know love anymore... maybe i'm forced to talk... maybe i'm forced to speak... but it's hard to open up anymore... just got slapped by my aunt for not responding to her question... why i don't want to talk to her anymore... something about not respecting your elders or something... she just don't know the reason... she doesn't really feel any emotions as strong as mine now... she doesn't understand the pains of a broken up relationship... am i just too dumb to open up? or do i still fear what i say matters anymore... maybe no one will see this... maybe no one will notice... since it's already been inactive for so long... i find comfort in it... so yar... i guess it's like that huh? hm...
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pfft...
Quote of the day "There will never be a day without violence" "and violence solves everything other then the things is doesn't solve..." on the front lines of heated arguements, there is nothing more to say but just let anyone who reads this blog look up at the tagbox... it may seem that my attitude is being scutinized *if it is spelt like that, i do apologise if my english is bad* and been labled as "childish" well, since when has being childish been a sin to begin with? has it not been childish attitudes that brought the world on fire by the decisions of others? or has it been maturity that reigned over the boring metropolis of awkward ignorance that never seems to spill out of some people who don't even see themselves as being targets of people around them... Being anonyomous can be fun at times, but please be "Matured" and at least leave a name behind for others to at least adress you in "proper attitude" and not "childish" attitude... it is like telling your own army to go to war without even telling them why the war is going on and what they are fighting for... it's something that everyone has and everyone should have... a name is important to everyone... everything has a name... and everyone has a name... don't you think you are now being "childish" by playing hide and go seek with me here? haha... i think you are just looking for attention within your empty mindset that never seems to escape my amusement... and yes, it seems like it is pretty clear of how easy the answer to guess the identity and how clear it seems to be as it is right under my nose... never has it been easy to conclude a mystery well solved within a little twisting and turning of words and yes, it seems like the ideas have seem to spill and the puzzle pieces have started to piece themselves together...
Has it not been clear enough from the first day? haha... who knows what you are tryinog to do, nothing unexpected will happen... isn't it just so far fetched to put up a comment with such little interest and yet try to burn it up with words of "wisdom" and words of "funtionality" and "maturity"? i'm guessing that you may not understand the situation here but yes, you are not experienced enough to play these kind of games when i start to play serious, and i mean it if you want to do it... my thoughts are collected enough to retaliate, but.... i think i rather ues the time and effort plus the brain juices to work out other things like how to plan for future children of mine and that will never be a concern of yours, anonyomous, It will lay it's path before me and not yours, your words will never path a way into my life, because you will never be able to cross it fast enough before you ever get run down by me, but i'm guessing it's better than the ignorant attitude of yours that you excrete no matter how hard you try to stop it, it practically stales the air around me, doesn't it choke you? i guess not, sice you're too thick skinned to admit things that you will never seem to be done with. I'm guessing something and i know that it is right, and that you will be mearly a tiny, if not small influence upon the rest of the world, Isn't it nice? to know that you will never be able to hide under that few words , covering yourself in it will never get you anywhere than embaress-ville... therefore, think twice beofre posting, it will only get worst for you
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why does it have to be like that?
Quote of the day "the both of you made me do it and i'm going to make you regret..." Why can't you let us be together? why must you interfere with our lives? even if you're her parents, shouldn't you all be more understanding towards your daughter? shouldn't you all be supportive of her having a responsible boyfriend who thinks of the future for her? shouldn't you all be thinking of being able to hold a grandson in a couple of years time? all of you are just sexist bastards who allow your 15 year old son to have a girlfriend and yet not your 17 year old daughter to have a boyfriend... they say that the society nowadays are very open towards the fairness of both sexes and yet guess what? the jackpot landed on your heads and yes, you are officailly branded stoneage people like the rest of the seperatist bastards who only allow their daughters to have boyfriend like... NEVER! since you all want her to die a VIRGIN! pfft.. idiots who can't think straight for parents will never mke it into a good relationship with their children... and yes, you call yourself a father figure for the family... you can go to hell... who hits their son in the head coz of small little thing like money within the family? you are a worthless bastard... who steps and almost crushed his daughter's leg and never apologise and still don't care? you worthless piece of scumbag for a father... who kicks his whole family out of the house and claims that everything is his? you are not worth to breath this air... who does things without thinking and yet still doesn't apologise no matter how wrong he is? you... are... going... to... hell... and yes, you call yourself a christian... my ass... you should just go pray to the deaf god of yours and i say, he will never forgive you... don't even think about going to kingdom come... just plunge straight into the fiery depths where demons and legions will boil you in oil and torture you... so says my conscience...
I hope you will burn in hell... and you, as a mother, can't you be more supportive of your daughter? i know that you can be a good mum sometimes, can't you think for your daughter for once? think of how stressful she is sufferring silently under each breath as you choke on her sanity... i think it hurts too much for her as well as for me... you will never know the secret live that she is living behind your back cause you don't bother to even get to know why she did those thigns to you... would you care enough like she will for her own daughter or son? i don't know... you care for your son more than your daughter... you take advantage of your daughter just to make your son happy... don't you know that your daughter has done so many things for you and yet you are blind to it? i don't know... but for all i know, you ARE blind to it... and i hope you open your eyes and relate yourself to her... if you did that long ago, she wouldn't, you wouldn't your husband wouldn't have already gotten into such a big mess... and yes, teach your husband some manners... his temper flares and fires mine up... if it's not for him going to be my father -in-law, i would've gotten ugly in his face and made him eat wall plaster... so please... treat your daughter better... cause i know that you won't be livig a very fruitful retirement years after your retire from everything else... and i'll make sure your retirement plans don't go according to plan...
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why? Why? WHY?!
Why do you people always force me to do things? Why do you all always push me around like some kind of doll? Why do you people always kick me around like a ball? WHY WHY WHY?! of all the people in the world, why me? why do you all always hurt me mentally and push so much stress on me? why do you all always blame me for things that i never do nor even thought about doiing? Why do you all tell me things that i already did correctly and still scold me for not listening? WHY? just tell me how come i have to suffer all your stupidity and authority? WHY? is it because i look like a pushover? Is it because i'm very nice to bully? is it because you all feel superior because you are all older and wiser than me? is it because you think that due to your experience, i'm not allowed to talk back and stand in my own point of view? is it because you all think more and know more makes me less experience than you all?
What is it to you all that makes you all feel so great? i don't know why i'm the one to take in all your abuse? i don't think i'm any different from others and i don't think that i'm anymore hurt than those words you say to me... what is it to you all that makes you feel taller than me? what rights do you all have to push me to a corner to make decisions for me and force them upon my shoulders? I so sdon't get it... just want to break down and cry... just want to let it all go and jump off a building, cut my wrist and bleed to death, slit my own throat and spill blood all over you and put these words on my grave:
"See what your ways have done to me, your forceful ways have pushed me to my death, blame not on me but yourselves. I will wait for you in hell to push you around, You bastards"
And i mean what i said... all of you are bloody bastards, i hope you all rot in hell with me laughing at your rotting corpse being feasted by maggots with scavengers not even wanting to touch your vile rotten meat. All of you should just go to hell...
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